iopha: (Default)
 So as a failed academic--I mean it's not official official but it's pretty close--the new plan is to transition into instructional design. 

This has been a long time coming, and I've foreseen the distinct possibility of not securing permanent work in post-secondary education. I've become a very good college professor in a narrow, personality-based way, and more importantly, the work feels easy and fun.

I'd rather take a few small steps sideways than abandon education altogether, and instructional design seems like an obvious move. People are hiring, the money is okay, and hopefully I won't hate it. (What I need in work is autonomous problem-solving; anything else and I kind of want to die). 

I'm going through some grief about not being a good enough philosopher given an admittedly very shitty job market, but of course if I was as brilliant as I thought I was at about 19 then I would be at Harvard with tenure already. Yes, okay, there are factors outside of my control that explain my current situation. There are others that were, and it's okay if I admit to myself I didn't do a great job with them.

Through Fanshawe College I have access to's training modules on Instructional Design, I've downloaded pirated versions of software, and I have a plan to create a portfolio based on last Summer's logic course (which used open source texts--a decision I made which was partially motivated by anticipating I would have to do this transition).

So yeah, I saw this coming. Still stings. I've been teaching at Fanshawe College part-time for 3 years and wasn't even selected for pre-interview internal testing despite getting wonderful student reviews, above average every year. I would've been perfectly content teaching some philosophy courses and a bunch of boring communications and writing classes.

By my calculations I'm eligible for 4-5 months of EI. In that window I'll re-train myself and start over... at 38.

Don't know if I will post here more but there's definitely some stuff that my 'curated' FB personality can't really talk about. Gotta keep up appearances.


iopha: (icon of toil)
Probably means nothing to most of you, but since I'm chronicling this here anyway: climbing v5 / 5.11 now and it feels goooood.

Well I mean right now everything hurts....
iopha: (F'ing metal)
I don't have a lot of time until luck becomes a real factor, and then the decline inevitable. 15, 20 years. I'll be in my fifties. Then the roles will reverse again. But for now here's one strange realization rock climbing has given me: Rorschach's reversal as applied to the mind-body problem. I'm not a mind trapped inside a fleshy, bodily prison. This is a body trapped by my mind.

For now. It will win in the end. But I have twenty years of being the jailer. And that's an encouraging thought.
iopha: (icon of toil)

Moment of tiny, staggering heart-break with Wren: we're at the park down the street. Usually I follow her around, helping her climb, catching her at the bottom of the slide. Today she turns to me and says "Daddy. Sit bench. Go, over there." And points. To the bench. With the other bored-looking parents. She's two and a half and doesn't need me at the park any more.

(Except that she totally did within, like, 3 minutes... but the thought was there.)


I haven't checked Facebook in a week. I feel weird, disconnected, and free. It's a little like not wearing underwear, I guess.

If I call any of you people out of the blue that's why.

iopha: (icon of toil)
Caught Wren's stomach bug. Been basically in agonizing stomach pain for the last 24 hours. Like, can't sleep pain. Daggers in my gut pain. Then I vomit.

This is a boutique kind of hell.
iopha: (Default)
We saw our pediatric neurologist today. It was a short visist. He has no significant concerns and wants to follow-up in another 12 months. He seems to to think there's a good chance Wren will be fine growing up.

This is true for about 10-15% of children with stage II HIE. The good doctor was rather amazed. We got lucky, I guess.

Tube's still going in. Didn't help my constant second-guessing and nerves that the neurologist seemed surprised we were moving forward with this. He seemed a bit more understanding when we explained our ongoing feeding difficulties (low solid intake, refusal to bottle feed, etc.) but fuck I still hate it. I can hold on to this, though.
iopha: (Default)

But before I go to bed I might have to go BREAK ALL MY FUCKING FINGERS OFF. Damn.
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